Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Emotional Amputation

You see them out and about; living, laughing, going through life as if everything is fine, normal even.  Upon closer examination, however, you realize everything is not fine; it is not normal.  There is a piece of them missing.  I am speaking, of course, of an amputee.  Perhaps at some point in their life they were in an accident and received an irreparable crush injury, perhaps they contracted some sort of infection or had cancer.  In any case, it is clear that they are without one or more of their extremities.

They were not always fine.  They were angry and in pain, they might still be.  They had to fight to learn how to live without what is no longer there.  In some cases, they wear a prosthesis, but it is not the same.  It can never be the same.  The day their limb was removed from their body is the day their life changed forever.  It is not just a physical loss, but a loss of one's self, too.

Can't the same be said of the loss of a child?  What once was there is no longer.  The day our child died is the day our life, who we are was forever changed.  Now, we may seem fine, normal.  We live, we laugh, we do the same things as everyone else, but that piece of us is missing.

It has been reported that, years later, amputees say they can still feel their missing limb.  It hurts, it itches, it tingles.  I know that I can't speak for other Loss Mommas, but I know I can feel Boe.  I can feel him turning in my belly, I feel the weight of him in my arms, I feel the softness of his delicate skin.

It will never be easy.  Some days may be harder than others. I have lost something, and I shall never be the same.  I have had to learn to live with what is no longer here.

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