Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Everything I've ever wanted... Just not quite how I had planned.

This is so true. If I think back on what I have always dreamed my life would be, with rare exception, I have what I always envisioned. When I was in high school, I concocted my "plan"; the blueprint that designed my future through college and beyond. It went something like this:

1. Get married at age 20

2. Start a family right away, having 4 children spaced 2 years apart. I figured if I did this, I would be done by age 28 and still young and hot.

3. Live life to its fullest because my plan had played out exactly as I had planned.

I had it all figured out, right? If only. God did hear my plan, and in someways he did listen. I just think my ability to communicate my plan to him became a bit like the game of "Telephone", he heard me, it just got lost in translation. I say this because this is how it happened:

1. Meet future husband at 26, marry him at 28. Shouldn't I have 4 kids by now???

2. Live life to its fullest and enjoy my husband for 4 years before even entertaining that "kid" thing.

3. Try for 2 years to conceive and then give birth to my daughter 1 week after my 35th birthday. Shouldn't I have a 14, 12, 10 and 8 year old by now?

4. When my daughter is 6 months old, conceive spontaneous triplet boys. Give birth to them at 32 weeks and 5 days gestation. 1 sleeping, 2 living. I am 36 years old.

5. When my boys are 9 months old, get pregnant again (not on purpose). Miscarry the pregnancy 1 month later.

6. Before even resuming a normal menstrual cycle, get pregnant again (not on purpose). I am 37 years old when the test comes back positive. Shouldn't I have a 16, 14, 12 and 10 year old by now?

7. Still being written...

So you see, God DID hear me, sorta. He heard 4 children and he heard spaced 2 years apart. What he did not hear was that I wanted them EACH to have 2 years between them, not all be born within 2 years. He also seemed to miss the fact that I, of course, wanted them all alive, here with me.

I am past the point where I "blame" Him. In keeping with the title of my blog, we may have one plan for ourselves, while His is totally different. Not wrong, not bad, just different. I DO have everything I ever wanted. I have a loving and supportive husband, and he was soooo worth the extra 6 years I waited. I have 4 beautiful children, 3 living and 1 in heaven, with 1 more on the way. God heard me there too. I'll have 4 children with me on this Earth, I just get an extra one up above. I have a beautiful, warm home filled with laughter and chaos, I am healthy, and I am loved.

So you see, even though life may not always work out as WE had planned, it does work out as planned. Just not our plan. This is a daily reminder to me that I need to keep my mantra in the front of my thoughts. What happens to me in this life is not up to me. It is not my design. I must remember to want what I have and take what I'm given with grace.

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